Love Blocks

What’s blocking your love? Something I frequently hear from my clients, single professional & executive women, is that there is a shortage of men. They say that there is a shortage of eligible men in their age group, income bracket, etcetera.

My response is that there is no shortage of men. Men are everywhere. There is a perception that there is a shortage of men because we typically repeat the same relationship behavior that we’ve perfected over the years. This type of habitual perspective clouds our vision, blocking our view of the many eligible men who don’t fit our love block pattern.

For example, let’s take Jane (who’s name has been changed to protect her privacy), a beautiful, single professional. She is intelligent, a prolific writer and excellent conversationalist. Jane is the mother of three who are now adults. She has been married and divorced twice.

When I began working with Jane she lamented the possibility of finding a guy who appreciated her and who would cherish her. Jane described her ideal match as being someone intelligent yet sexy, someone with whom she had chemistry, someone who enjoyed close family ties because she is very close with her children. Jane said she wanted a man who was financially secure, someone to take care of her in the traditional since.

Jane inevitably sabotaged the connection when introduced to men who met the vital criteria on her list: willing to take care of her, loved family, intelligent, financially secure. She would say there was no chemistry or that he looked liked Woody Allen. Possibly the guy was no Adonis, but the real reason for Jane’s inability to connect was buried far below the surface in herself.

Jane is the product of abusive parents: her father beat her and her mother did nothing to stop it. Jane’s love block is that she doesn’t feel worthy of her heart’s desire. She doesn’t feel worthy of the man she describes as her ideal. Therefore, when confronted by anyone who might fit the bill, Jane finds herself rejecting the man before he rejects her. Contrastingly, Jane attaches to unavailable, misogynistic men or men who are not interested in a long-term relationship. According to Jane there are no men…and especially no good men out there.

Jane is just one example of someone who is suffering from love blocks. Love blocks are really just boundaries that no longer serve a positive purpose in our lives.

Some examples of love blocks are poor self esteem, the feeling that you don’t deserve to be loved, shame/guilt, inability to let others get close to you emotionally/physically, unexplained/uncontrolled anger, and the inability to deal with your feelings appropriately.

Is something blocking your love? Examine your relationships across the board, not just your romantic ties, for the answer.